The Swinging Pendulum
So much of life is about pursuit.
But was is pursuit if it's not an urge to get something, to achieve something. To grab a hold of something. Where does that desire come from? It must come because somewhere inside we don't have whatever it is we are pursuing. We believe, that if I can get 'that thing' it will satiate the craving inside my heart, the gap that is waiting to be filled.
All of us have felt this way.
There is a sense that we all start life with a glass half empty, some more empty than others, but regardless the point is we start with a sense that something inside of us is not enough, let alone any level of abundance. So we spend our whole lives trying to fill ourselves. In that attempt, when life hits us hard and we strive to improve ourselves, learn from our mistakes, more often than not, our natural instinct is to do the extreme opposite.
Another example is, many 'gurus' and 'life experts' today say that the problem with modern society is that we suffer from low self esteem or low self-worth. If this were the problem, many in society would think the obvious solution is then to pursue high self esteem. When society says we don’t own enough we think the obvious solution is own more stuff.
What I’m trying to get at is, when we are presented with a problem we conclude that the solution must be the opposite or reverse. Swinging from one extreme to the next. However, we now know that either extreme results in its own set of problems and issues. Leaving us in the same state of being as the start of it all - lacking.
For instance, I spoke with a friend who dated a guy who was described as having a rugged-handsomeness about him. Very macho. Unfortunately, it turned out to be an abusive relationship. In response, she internally concluded that she will only date 'the nice guy' from now on. The guy that is consistent, soft-spoken, flexible, non-aggressive in every way, someone you can introduce your parents to. On the surface this seemed like the 'right' solution. Sure enough, she met a guy like that. But soon after the honeymoon period passed, his hidden, deep-seated anger eventually surfaced. Her strong focus and need for 'the nice guy' blinded her from looking at this man objectively as a whole person. In an attempt to avoid her first traumatic relationship she jumped to the opposite extreme, only to realize that by doing so she unknowingly still allowed her first trauma to dictate her next choice. Her second relationship was in response to her first. It wasn't from a place of objective neutrality.
There are many, many stories like this.
Instead of swinging our life pendulum from one extreme to another, how can we calm the inertia down to a still pendulum? To the center point where we are calm, still hanging gently and freely from one strong point, instead of rocking back and forth like a rudderless boat in the eye of the storm.
Do we simply make an effort to live in moderation. In a constant state of mediocrity? I will no longer love too passionately nor hate so aggressively. Like the stoics say, don't love something too much because you're going to end up losing it. So love just enough to fill you, but not to the point that it consumes you. You know as well as I do that the human heart could never find peace nor fulfillment in that state of being. (Ref. The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness by Tim Keller pg. 27 standards) To love like that is selfish love. 'I will love you just enough, because I must preserve my own self first.'
What does the Bible say?
We must turn to 1 Corinthians 3:20 where Paul is telling the people of Corinth to look beyond themselves and see where their identity truly lies. That by grounding themselves in Christ should bring them to a place where they don’t care what people think nor what you think of yourself because it's all about what God thinks. (Ref. The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness pg. 26)
Paul, and the Bible’s, solution to our sense of lack is not to compensate for it in anyway, but rather, Paul presents a WHOLE-NEW- approach. As Jesus said in the gospel, ‘He has come to make all things new’ Instead of figuring a way to make things better, or juggling some sort of balancing act, Jesus says come to me and I will make things new. It’s a whole new ball game that completely pulls us out of the secular path of life and how to pursue fulfillment. (Ref. Pg 29) Jesus says it's not about balancing the extremity of the swinging pendulum, constantly moderating our emotions, traumas, etc. Just don't swing. (this is where my metaphor kind of starts falling apart, but you get my point...hopefully. It should be no pendulum at all but then I won't be able to bookend this essay, so please bare with me)
Once fulfilled in Christ, we can take the extreme value away from the things of our lives, become the still pendulum, and from there we can make neutral objective choices through out our lives. Now that job opportunity is no longer THE job opportunity but simply an opportunity. So I can face it with gratitude and do my best. And not be anxious about it. Because if it was THE job opportunity then if you screw it up, you are a loser, if you squander it you're an idiot, if you achieve it and it changes your life then it becomes the definition of your self worth and you'll hold that against every single person who didn't achieve it the way you did.
Only through Christ, and when his opinion of you is your everything, can you become that still pendulum that can face life and never be tossed to the extreme.
