My Sin Hurts God…

If our continued sin no longer condemns us then what is the consequence we face with God?

As far As what it does to God is that it breaks his heart. It hurts him. Because he wants what’s best for us and we keep falling on our faces. The Bible continually talks about how we are married to him, that he is the Bridegroom and we are his bride, that his passionate love for us is even expressed as sensual maybe even sexual.

So if I continue to sin knowing I am breaking God’s heart then I am a complete narcissist with no ounce of empathy. I’m realizing I don’t feel remorse for God because I still feel he owes me a ‘good’ life; a life that he’s never given me. So deep, deep down in side I feel I have the right to sin against him and that he should forgive me because after all, He is God and he still owes me a good life. It’s almost like I’ll stop sinning once you give me the ’good’ life I always wanted/feel I deserve.

It’s the same shit. This self-righteous attitude. This place of living from a deficit of self-worth. That I never got what I deserved or wanted in life. This lack of humility and gratefulness of recognizing that I am a sinner saved by grace. That should be enough to humble me and get me to a place off utter gratefulness for everything in and around me. To finally see that everything is a gift that I don‘t deserve. To be so honored, privileged and undeserving to have any of this life.

It was a gift/privilege to be married.
It was a gift /privilege to experience love.
It was a gift/privilege to grow up in the family I have.
It was a gift/privilege to have a home church.

Life is all a gift.

Only from that place can I recognize and fully accept and see how my continued sin hurts everyone around me, let alone God’s heart. From this position I can see the magnitude of my sin and be remorseful and sorry to the point I say “I don‘t want to hurt you like this, O God.” Especially, how you continually show and express your unconditional love for me again and again, in so many areas of my life. I need to empathize with His heart.

My sin hurts God’s heart.

I’m sorry God for hurting your heart. For being so self-centered that I dont even try to empathize or see it from your side. As a lover I dont want to do things that continually hurt you. Teach me to see it more from your perspective. Not to be so narcissistic, bent into my own naval.

I’m sorry for hurting your heart.
I’m sorry for taking you for granted.
I’m sorry for hating and blaming you.

I always see you, God, as a powerful being, so the idea that my sin breaks your heart means that you are also an emotional and vulnerable being. You submit your power to us, by giving us the power to hurt you. That’s how much you love us, and want a deep true relationship with us. You are willing to put yourself in a lesser position to be in relation with us. All demonstrated physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually on the cross through Jesus Christ. You became vulnerable and you still are vulnerable with us.

Thank you for your heart.

I guess the take away is, the more I empathize with the Lord, the more I will be able to empathize with others as well as myself.

I need to remind myself daily of my position towards you, O God. A posture of gratitude, humility, and unworthiness and privilege to be able to love you well and those around me. And to stop poisonous thoughts like blaming others, or blaming you, and to stop people’s actions to dictate who I am or how I feel.

Get closer to God. See who he is and how he sees you. You will then be able to see the people around you.

Everything is a gift.