My current suffering...

Written: January 7, 2015 on the 3rd day of new year's fast.

'Where there is shadow in the valley, there's a light behind the mountain.'

Christ who died on the cross took all your punishment. It's there no longer. So the suffering you go through must be temporary, or at the very least, it must be part of training and/or growth. Your current suffering is NOT a form of punishment. Again, Christ's life and death is proof of God's love, compassion, and that he wants everything for us; that's what we need to hold on to. This is temporary. God's face will show. He doesn't put us through things we cannot handle. This is a chapter, not a punishment. Take heart. Have faith. Trust in the Lord your God.

He is near and listening. This is all part of something. Have faith in that. This is your change of perspective, that you've been praying for. This is your change of heart.

Do not be angry any longer. Hold on to the cross. Believe in the power of the cross. Your faults were all nailed there, that's why he died for you. You are angry because you believe your deeds deserve benefits from God. You're still doing the 'I give you something so you give something back' type of love - if one can even call that love. No. Your deeds are simply to worship Him. What he does is what he does. Your deeds equal death. Christ's deeds is what saved you. Not your's. Because of this you are eternally covered and redeemed. Nothing will ever change that. Not any deed or lack there of.

Do not be angry because of your suffering. You are loved. The light will shine. God is doing his miraculous work in you. Continue to look to Him.

Prayer: To get rid of my petty love language. To love the way God loves, purely, holistically, fearlessly. If anything God has the right to be petty with us bot instead he gave his one and only son. I want to love the way you love, so I can love you better. Don't forget God's love. He is love. He cares. - Amen.