I Can't Forgive Myself...

The ever so popular dilemma. "I know God forgives me, but I can't forgive myself."

At first glance this can sound so humble and noble. But, may I press you? This is filled with pride and self-centered arrogance.

The intent behind this notion is wrapped in a genuine level of humility, that's why it's so hard to get ourselves out of it. We are consumed with the idea that what I did, or who I am, is so grotesque that I can't see a redeeming quality in it, therefore it must be something that is unforgivable. I must be unforgivable.

The truth? The truth is that you are grotesque and despicable. The Bible takes it to the next level 'you...are evil' {Matthew 7:11, Genesis 6:5} So you're right you are unforgivable. BUT:

John 3:16 "For God SO loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him will have everlasting life."

John 8:11 "Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more."

Because Christ died on the cross, that you deserved, we are now forgivable. So if God, the master of the universe, the creator of all things, says you are now forgiven why can't you forgive yourself?

This is where the pride and self-centered arrogance comes into play. It's prideful because your opinion of yourself is still greater than God's. The person sitting on the throne of your heart, is still you and not God. So you choose to believe your opinion of yourself is more true than God's. It's self-centered because instead of looking beyond yourself to see the depths that Jesus, the perfect man, went through in order for you to be forgiven, you choose to be consumed by your own values and efforts. Deep down believing you can, and want to, redeem and save yourself. "I can repay the debt. I can face the suffering I deserve the opportunity to preserve my redemption and self-worth. Then I will feel better accepting my forgiveness, because I have earned it. " Oh yea? According to the Bible, the payment for that debt is death and eternity without God, in other words annihilation or hell (depending on your theological bent). Is that a debt you think you can pay? I don't think so.

In other words, get over yourself.

The first step to get beyond this notion of "I can't forgive myself" is repentance. Repentance for thinking I can save myself, for not trusting God and believing His word, for idolatry, for dismissing and minimizing Christ's sacrifice, and for ultimately trying to be your own god by trying to earn my forgiveness. (because of if I can earn it then Christ’s death was pointless and unnecessary.)

The second is to reorient your thoughts and perspective of yourself.

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new has come!"

Yes you are a sinner, but that version of you is dead. You are new and forgiven. So if you hear that voice haunting you again, you speak to your heart and tell it first, to shut up, and secondly that I am a child of God, a sinner saved by grace. From there you can be in a position to face your traumas, faults, 'sins', from a place of hope, joy and love. And not feel overwhelmed by your short-comings, or be nihilistically paralyzed every time you mess up.

Matthew 3:17 "You are my son, who I love. In you I am well pleased." {I changed the subject 'You' to personalize the statement}